Helping Older Parents Stay Happy and Healthy

Helping Your Older Parents Stay Happy and Healthy by Robert Stall MD, Geriatrician

If you're fortunate enough to have one or both parents still living, you may have noticed a role reversal taking place in your relationship. Remember the days when Mom shuttled you to the doctor whenever you were sick? Now, it may be you who's driving her to her medical appointments. Perhaps you've become even more involved in managing her healthcare needs – serving as her healthcare proxy, moving her into your home to care for her, or even having to select a nursing home for her to live in.

Whatever the case, it's natural to feel challenged – and, yes, intimidated – in the role you've undertaken. But if you stay positive and proactive, you'll be in a great position to advocate for your parents' optimal care. And, really, what better way is there to say "Thank You" for all they've done for you over the years?

The following six recommendations will help you understand what may be happening to your parents as they age – and what you can do to help.

1. Stay vigilant to sudden changes. Typically, sudden changes arise from sudden problems. Your elderly father who becomes confused one week but was alert and oriented the week before, or becomes unsteady walking and starts falling, is likely experiencing an acute problem – an infection, medication side effect, or perhaps, a heart attack or stroke.

If you pay attention to your parent's baseline health and behavior, you'll be alert to sudden, and subtle, fluctuations. Being attuned to what's “normal” for your parent is critical in advocating for his care. By informing his physician of these changes, you help ensure that he receives a proper diagnosis and timely treatment – especially important in acute conditions.

2. Investigate the source of gradual decline. Several years ago, I met an elderly woman living in a nursing home. Her family, assuming she had dementia, had moved her there after she had gradually stopped speaking.

After performing a brief procedure on her, I asked how she was doing. “I'm OK,” she replied.
A miracle? Not exactly. I'd removed bullet-sized pieces of wax from her ears. She'd stopped speaking because her ears were too plugged to hear.

A host of conditions can cause gradual decline. Before jumping to the conclusion – as many people do – that Alzheimer's disease is the culprit, recognize that your parent may be experiencing an altogether different problem: a vitamin B12 deficiency, an underactive thyroid, Parkinson's disease or depression, to name a few.

When discussing your parent's decline with her physician, make sure the two of you consider all the possibilities. To prepare for the appointment, make notes detailing how her decline has manifested itself – loss of appetite, a failing short-term memory and so forth – and how long you've noticed these changes. That way, you won't leave anything out. To help you, I've created a free checklist that either you or your parent can complete at seniorselfassessment.com – make sure you print or email the “Test Result Details” at the bottom of the page to analyze your responses and give you advice based on your answers.

3. Know thy parent's medicine cabinet. Familiarize yourself with the medications your parent takes: what each one is for and how often he takes them. Make sure you notify each doctor your parent visits of all the medicine he takes, including over-the-counter products. Ask what side effects you might observe from each medication and whether it's potentially dangerous if your parent takes them together. You also want to tell the doctor whether your parent drinks alcohol or caffeinated drinks and whether he smokes, as these substances can affect some medications' efficacy and safety. To recognize which medications might cause the symptoms your parent experiences, check out drugscanmakeyousick.com .

4. Discourage ageist attitudes. Simply put, ageism is prejudice against the elderly. It exists in many forms but can be particularly damaging to an older person's self-esteem when it assumes that all of her woes are age-related. Here are a couple of ways of expressing ageism to an elderly parent:

“What do you expect at your age?” “You're not getting any younger.”

If you're ever tempted to utter something similar, remind yourself that by chalking up everything that ails her to her age, you sell your parent short. If she's depressed, it may have nothing to do with the fact that she's 80 and everything to do with a biological predisposition to depression. And remember that right-knee pain in a 90 year-old can't be just from age if there's no problem with her left knee. (More about Dr. Stall and a more in-depth article on the attitude of society towards medical care for the elderly can be found at http://www.longtermcarelink.net/eldercare/medical_care_issues.htm )

5. Address not just symptoms—but emotions, too. There is disease and then there is “dis-ease” – that is, a lack of ease, security or well-being. “Dis-ease” can manifest itself as myriad emotions in an elderly person: fear, grief, boredom, embarrassment and sadness among them. The fact is, these emotions can be every bit as debilitating as disease.

Take the case of a parent who's incontinent. Too embarrassed to socialize, she cuts herself off from friends. Without companionship, she becomes lonely. Instead of allowing her to become a hermit, discuss with her doctor how to address the incontinence. Together, you can consider different solutions that will ease her embarrassment and reinvigorate her social life.

6. Strive to maximize your parent's quality of life. No matter our age, we all want to enjoy life to the fullest and have the capability to do the things we want to. Improving the enjoyment of life and a patient's functional ability are the cardinal goals of geriatric care. But you don't need a medical diploma on your wall to help your parent achieve either of those goals.

Being there to solve a problem or provide company are tremendously worthwhile services you can provide – no expertise required. Remember, as your parent gets older, his quality of life becomes more important to him than how much longer he lives. And he doesn't necessarily need medications or surgery to ensure that he's living the latter part of his life to the fullest.
If he enjoys books but has difficulty reading regular-sized type, check out sight-saving titles at the library. If he's grieving the loss of his best buddy, introduce him to new acquaintances at the senior center. If he's living in a nursing home, bring your kids there to share a meal with him.
Sometimes, it's the small gestures that have the most profound impact. As the child of an elderly parent, you are uniquely positioned to deliver these life-changing gifts.

Dr. Robert Stall is a geriatrician practicing in Tonawanda, New York and a clinical associate professor at the University of Buffalo's School of Medicine and Biomedical Sciences. He serves as medical director and attending physician at Beechwood Homes in Getzville and Blocher Homes in Williamsville. To learn more about senior care issues, visit his website at stallgeriatrics.com or call 716-213-4345. For information on a new program offering balance assessment and fall prevention tips, call 716-213-0772.

Swine Flu Preparedness

The flu and flu outbreaks usually have a more severe effect on the elderly and children. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's website is a good resource for information on the issues, resources, and related matters relevant to the current swine flu outbreak. The home page is: http://www2a.cdc.gov/phlp/index.asp.

In addition, this website has links to other good resources, including state swine flu information. The website for state information is: http://www.astho.org/templates/display_pub.php?pub_id=3797&admin=1. This website is posted by the Association of State and Territorial Health Officials. If you are concerned about elderly parents living in another state, you may want to visit this website in addition to the websites for the states, cities, and local news organiziations where your parents reside.

Free Online Estate Planning, Tax and Personal Finance Resource

I've been a regular reader of the Wall Street Journal for over a year now. I've found the Wall Street Journal to be a good newspaper with solid national and international reporting. And, I have a better understanding of the current financial and economic crisis because I've been a regular reader for the past year.


Before I subscribed to the Wall Street Journal, I was not aware of the personal finance, tax, and retirement planning articles published weekly in the Wall Street Journal. A great example is the Wealth Manager guide published in the the Journal Report on Monday, April 13, 2009. Several of the articles include the following:

• Seven Questions to Ask When Picking a Financial Adviser
• The Mess They Leave - Many people die with nothing in order. Here's some help sorting them out.
• The Right Steps - When it comes to blended families, estate planning can be a special kind of hell.
• Financial Prescription - If you have a chronic illness, the regular rules of estate planning may need som fine-tuning. Here are things to consider as you develop your plan.

As of the date of this post, the articles can be found at: http://online.wsj.com/public/page/wealth-management-041309.html

I know many people search and use the web to find resources that will assist and educate them on various topics. I've found the Wall Street Journal to have timely articles on estate planning, taxes, and health issues. I encourage you to become familiar with the Wall Street Journal and visit its online version frequently. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. Many of the articles can be viewed for free; however, some of the articles require an online subscription.

I'm not being paid or receiving other benefits from the Wall Street Journal for this post. I just think it's a great resource others should know about. If you visit the Journal's website, let me know what you think.

Long Distance Care Givers Receive Help

Living in a different city or state -- miles from aging parents -- can be very difficult. Keeping in touch by telephone and making long trips to help parents or aging relatives with their needs can be time consuming and not nearly as effective as being available full time in person.

Mark Sessions spent two years juggling his restaurant business with multiple daily phone calls to his elderly parents, checking on their needs and answering their questions. Family vacations were spent traveling the 500 miles to his parent's home to personally take care of home maintenance and provide health care visits to their doctor.

During his last visit, Mark noticed his father had difficulty walking and his mother was confused as to which medications she was to take and at what time. This alarming change in his parent's condition concerned Mark that his parents' care needs required more than frequent phone calls and vacation visits. Running his business and handling his parent's long distance care was now becoming very challenging.

According to a report by the Alzheimer's Association of Los Angeles & Riverside, California, there are approximately 3.3 million long distance caregivers in this country with an average distance of 480 miles from the people they care for. The report also states that 15 million days are missed from work each year because of long distance care giving. Seven million Americans provide 80% of the care to ailing family members and the number of long distance caregivers will DOUBLE over the next 15 years. Long Distance Caregiver Project – Alzheimer's Association LA & Riverside, Los Angeles, CA (May 15, 2002, National Web Seminar by Judith Delaney, MFT, Clinical Coordinator)

The long distance caregiver is a new role that is thrust upon children and younger family members. Families used to live closer together, with children residing and working near their parents. But nowadays family members are more distant from each other. Society, today, is recognizing this. Some caregiver services have tweaked their programs to work as liaisons between long distance caregivers, senior loved ones and local medical professionals.

Professional care managers -- a lso known as Geriatric Care Managers, Elder Care Managers or Aging Care Managers -- represent a growing trend to help full time, employed family caregivers provide care for loved ones. Care managers are expert in assisting caregivers, friends or family members find government-paid and private resources to help with long term care decisions.

They are professionals -- trained to evaluate and recommend care for the aged. A care manager might be a nurse, social worker, psychologist, or gerontologist who specializes in assessing the abilities and needs of the elderly. Care manger professionals are also becoming extremely popular as the caretaker liaison between long distant family members and their aging elder loved ones.

Jacqueline Marcell -- author of "Elder Rage, or Take My Father...Please! How to Survive Caring for Aging Parents" (Impressive, 2000) -- says,
"The most important thing to do is to find a geriatric care manager in the area where your loved one lives. She will have knowledge of all the services in the area and can be your eyes."

Below is a partial list of what a care manager or Professional Geriatric Care Manager might do:

• Assess the level and type of care needed and develop a care plan.
• Take steps to start the care plan and keep it functioning.
• Make sure care is in a safe and disability friendly environment.
• Resolve family conflicts and other issues with long term care.
• Become an advocate for the care recipient and the caregiver.
  Manage care for a loved one for out-of-town families.
• Conduct ongoing assessments to implement changes in care.
• Oversee and direct care provided at home.
• Coordinate the efforts of key support systems.
• Provide personal counseling.
• Help with Medicaid qualification and application.
• Arrange for services of legal and financial advisors.
• Provide placement in assisted living facilities or nursing homes.
• Monitor the care received in a nursing home or in assisted living.
• Assist with the monitoring of medications.
• Find appropriate solutions to avoid a crisis.
• Coordinate medical appointments and medical information.
  Provide transportation to medical appointments.
• Assist families in positive decision making.
• Develop care plans for older loved ones not now needing care. “The 4 Steps of Long Term Care Planning,” National Care Planning Council
  

Services offered will depend on the educational and professional background of the care manager, but most are qualified to cover items in the list above or can recommend a professional who can. Fees may vary. There is often an initial consultation fee that is followed by hourly fees for services. Health insurance does not generally cover these fees but long-term care insurance might.

In 2002, the AARP published a survey from geriatric care mangers about their fees:
“Respondents were asked how much they charged for their services, which might include: an initial consultation; fees on an hourly or per visit basis; fees for development of a care plan; and fees on a fixed-price contract basis. Hourly fees averaged $74 an hour. GCMs charged an average $168 to develop a care plan. Initial consultations averaged $175. Seven of ten current GCMs responded in the affirmative when asked if they had a statement that listed their fees. ” Written by Robyn Stone, DrPH, Principal Investigator; Susan Reinhard, RN, PhD, Co-Principal Investigator; Jean Machemer, MSG, Research Associate; and Danylle Rudin, MSW, Research Associate of The Institute for the Future of Aging Services, Washington, D.C.Barbara Coleman, Project Manager, AARP Public Policy Institute November 2002

When you take into account the time absent from work and time to find the right care resources for your loved ones, along with the cost of travel expenses to monitor their care, you will probably concur that using a caregiver is money well spent. Add on to this the stress of handling your own life circumstances combined with being a caregiver and you will probably wonder how you could have ever done without the care manager.

A professional or geriatric care manager can be an important asset to all families in elder care situations. Here is an example of how a care manager can help:

Mary is taking care of her aging husband at home. He has diabetes and is overweight. Because of the diabetes, her husband has severe neuropathy in his legs and feet and it is difficult for him to walk. He also has diabetic retinopathy and, therefore, cannot see very well. She has to be careful that he does not injure his feet, since the last time that happened he was in the hospital for four weeks with a severe infection. She is having difficulty helping him out of bed and with dressing and using the bathroom. She relies heavily on her son, who lives nearby, to help her manage her husband's care.

On the advice of a friend, Mary is told about a professional care manager, Sharon Brown. The cost of an initial assessment and care plan from the care manager is $175.00. Mary thinks she has the situation under control and $175.00 for someone from the outside to come in and tell her how to deal with her situation seems ridiculous.

One day Mary is trying to lift her husband and injures her back severely. She is bedridden and cannot care for her husband. Her son, who works fulltime, now has two parents to care for. On the advice of the same friend, he decides to bring in Sharon Brown and pay her fee himself.

Sharon does a thorough assessment of the family's needs. She arranges for Mary's doctor to order Medicare home care during Mary's recovery. Therapists come in and help Mary with exercises and advice on lifting.

Sharon advertises for and finds a private individual who is willing to live in the home for a period of time to help Mary with her recovery and watch over her husband. Sharon makes sure the new caregiver is reliable and honest and that taxes are paid for the employment. Sharon enlists the support of the local area agency on aging and makes sure all services available are provided for the family.

Sharon also calls a meeting with Mary's family and explains to them the care needs and how they need to commit to help with those needs. Sharon makes arrangements to rent or purchase medical equipment for lifting, moving and easier use of the bathroom facilities. Medicare will pay much of this cost.

Sharon also works closely with an elder law attorney and a financial planner who specializes in the elderly. The attorney prepares documents for the family including powers of attorney, a living will and advice on preserving Mary's remaining assets.

The financial planner recommends a reverse mortgage specialist to help Mary and her husband tap unused assets in their home's equity. Some reverse mortgage proceeds are used to pay off debt. The remaining proceeds are converted into income with a single premium immediate income annuity in order to provide Mary adequate income when her husband is gone and she looses one of the Social Security payments.

With the help of the care manager, Mary's life and future have been significantly improved. Her husband as well, if he adheres to the care plan, may end up having a better quality of life for his remaining years. “The 4 Steps of Long Term Care Planning,” National Care Planning Council

The National Care Planning Council promotes and supports professional and geriatric care managers on its website www.longtermcarelink.net .